The best years, but the hardest years

I have decided that these are the best years of my life, but also the hardest years. Let me explain.

These are the days where the tender smile of one of my kids can make a bad day at work just melt away. My kids are at the age where they love me endlessly. I often feel rewarded at work with the completion of a project. I have the energy to start new projects (work or personal). I have been running regularly (okay, semi-regularly) for the past 2 1/2 years, which gives me a huge sense of accomplishment. I have finished 2 half-marathons this year. Chris and I enjoy being with each other (with or without the kids) and our marriage of eight years makes me feel so proud because some couples our age are having tough times and even going through divorce. We both have steady jobs, make a good living, and have an amazing home. We have two reliable vehicles, great health insurance, and NO ONE in our immediate family has health problems.

We are so very blessed and I really feel that these years are the best... BUT - and this is a huge but - they are also the hardest.

My friend Janie commented on my blog post earlier this week about how it looks like I'm having so much fun with Kennedy. She has (or had) come to peace with the fact that she doesn't want children. I respect that. I truly do. My BFF and her husband don't know if they want children. KIDS ARE NOT EASY. They cry. They whine. They spit. They poop (and sometimes it leaks from diapers). Janie, am I making this worse for you?

Finding the balance with my life is difficult. The morning routine nearly kills us all every morning. We have to get everyone ready for work/school/daycare and make sure everyone is packed with lunch, snack, nap mat, diapers/wipes, teething gel, extra bibs and/or clothes in case of accidents. We have kleenex in every spare pocket of my pants, in the car, in their bags - because SOMEONE always has a runny nose. Lucky for us, Chris works from home, so he can throw on shorts and a tee shirt and start the carpool!

Then after all the madness calms down and I walk into my office to prepare for my 8 hour work day, it's a gamble on whether or not my phone will ring. I know the daycare phone number my heart so when I see those digits light up my caller ID screen, I know one of the kids is sick. Brady and Kennedy go to different doctors (Kennedy is going to our family doctor... I still have Brady at our favorite pediatrician). One doctor is in Bossier, one is in Shreveport. So depending on which kid is sick and which of us doesn't have a meeting scheduled, Chris and I determine who will pick him/her up and take him/her to the doctor.

Those days aren't frequent because Brady is one year old now and he's past the "must-see-doctor-because-of-fever" stage. But those days still do happen a few times a month. When those days don't happen, then it's just the usual insanity of the evening routine.

Brady is always hungry. He wants to eat dinner at 5:15 straight up. Most days, Chris or I open a can of veggies and plop them on the tray of his high chair. Sometimes he continues to fuss while shoving the food in his mouth. Sometimes, having food makes him happy. It depends n the day. Kennedy is wanting to color, watch TV, do anything but stand there and tell us about her day. So while Brady scarfs down his veggies and Kennedy entertains herself, Chris and I look at each other (with droopy, tired eyes) and ask, "What's for dinner?"

Dinner. Bath time. Snuggle time. Bed time. And then we start it all over again.

Who knows what will happen when Kennedy starts kindergarten in a few weeks? I'm sure we'll make adjustments to the routine since Kennedy and Brady will be in two separate locations. And Kennedy will have after school projects and activities. Oh and I'm starting graduate school (more on that later). And during all of this, Chris and I try to get in some adult time, I try to do some community volunteer work and we try really hard to go to church every Sunday.

But even though these insanely hectic days make me want to pull my hair out, I look at the kiddos when they're sleeping in their beds and choke back the tears... because I wouldn't change any of it for the world.