I have cried everyday since Sunday. I have maintained a mild headache for several days as well. And now that the memorials are over, I must start the healing process. I owe it to myself and my family... and Amber. But I can't help but think about her husband, Eric. I couldn't see the pastor during the service, but I had a clear view of "E" and I watched him ride an emotional roller coaster through the long, extremely difficult service. He didn't look in the eyes of the speakers. He just stared down at the floor. At times he would shake his head. At other times, he cried so hard he shook. And when the songs and eulogy were over and people lined up to give their sympathies - Susie and I made our way to the front. I wanted to hug him with all my strength and when I finally got my turn - I squeezed as hard I could and through our tears, I whispered, "I promise we (SneStinBaLas) will take care of you. I promise you that." We sobbed in each other's shoulders and while I am grateful for the chance to see him today, it was one of the hardest moments of my life.
Since the family had a private burial on Wednesday, our small group of friends decided to hold our own grave site service after the memorial. Seeing the freshly placed dirt is devastating. I have attended several funerals in my lifetime; the most recent in my family was when my grandaddy in Florida died when Kennedy was a baby. But somehow it's more difficult with a young person. My grandaddy lived more than 80 years. Amber only graced this earth for 25.
But I know God has a plan for everyone. My life's path dramatically changed when my father died when I was five. There's no doubt that Eric's life has dramatically changed now as well. But I have to believe that God has something amazing in store for E. I just know it.
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