Explaining death to children

It is our parental instinct to want to protect our children from any harm. But sometimes, as a parent, we owe our kids the truth - even if it hurts. Such is the case with Kennedy and telling her about Amber. She knew "Miss Amber" very well and knew she was sick. We did not hide that from her. She asked to see her when I would visit the hospital and she colored many get well cards, pictures, and posters for her. One night, unprompted, she prayed for "Miss Amber to get better at the doctor and Mr. Eric, too... because I love them."

I am a very emotional person and always have been. Always will be. So I knew that I would barely be able to speak through the tears to tell Kennedy about Amber. And Chris knew it would upset Kennedy more to see me sobbing and trying to explain what happened, so he bravely told her while I was driving back from Memphis Sunday.

Dad: "Kennedy, we need to talk about Miss Amber... She is gone and we won't be able to see her anymore."

Kennedy pouts and asks why.

Dad: "Because she went to be with Jesus. She is in Heaven now."

Kennedy: "She's with JESUS?"

Dad: "Yes, honey. Do you remember when we used to pass by the cemetery on the way to your old school?"

(Kennedy asked Chris what the place was that had all the "things" sticking out of the ground. He explained that it was a cemetery and that's where people are buried when they die, but their souls go to Heaven. I commend Chris for being honest because I probably would have made up a story to avoid talking about death.)

Kennedy: "Yes, I remember. That's where people go when they die."

Dad: "That's right. They are put in a box in the ground, but their souls go to Heaven."

Kennedy: "Daddy, how will Miss Amber's soul GET to Heaven? Oh wait... I know. She'll climb in the box and it will float up to Heaven and she'll get out and see Jesus!"

At this point, Chris agrees with her and leaves the room because he is overwhelmed with emotion. Children are resilient and understand more than we give them credit for. And Kennedy's interpretation of Amber's "ride" to Heaven was simply amazing.

Last night, we talked about it briefly and it was the first time I heard her talking about it since Chris gave her the news alone on Sunday. I don't want her to dwell on it, but it came up during dinner and I started crying. She was concerned about me and Chris reminded her that "Mommy will be sad for a little while because she misses Miss Amber."

Kennedy, being the bright little girl she is, said... "And Mr. Eric is sad, too."
We will all be sad for a while because a member of our SneStinBaLa (Sneed, Stinson, Sabala, LaPierre) family is gone. She was an amazing friend and I will never forget her.